New insights from etiquette expert Miss Manners confirm that in the past, widows were restricted to wearing only pearls and black onyx during mourning periods, often lasting up to two years. This revelation sheds light on the strict social norms surrounding grief and fashion that seem archaic in today’s context.
In a recent column, Miss Manners addressed a reader’s inquiry about the historical accuracy of mourning jewelry, stating that only wedding rings were allowed to be gold, while all other adornments were meant to be matte in appearance. This included a prohibition on shiny fabrics, which many might find ridiculous today.
As Miss Manners pointed out, such stringent rules might have only existed in literature, where characters lamented their restricted wardrobes. However, the practice of visible mourning did serve a purpose, especially during funerals, signaling respect for the deceased and indicating that the wearer might be in a fragile emotional state.
Today, societal norms around mourning have evolved significantly. Many individuals no longer adhere to traditional black attire for funerals or afterward, often opting for more colorful clothing, unless ironically, it is for a wedding. This shift raises questions about how mourning is expressed in contemporary society.
Interestingly, Miss Manners suggests that a modified version of these mourning customs could be beneficial in modern times. She notes that it could serve as a protective barrier against unsolicited advice from “sidewalk therapists” who pressure the bereaved to seek “closure” swiftly.
As of August 18, 2025, the discussion around mourning and the implications of jewelry choices during grief continues to resonate. It highlights a broader conversation about how we honor our loved ones while navigating personal loss in a world that often rushes toward moving on.
For more insights and etiquette tips, readers can connect with Miss Manners through her official website or email. This ongoing dialogue around mourning jewelry and societal expectations emphasizes the emotional weight of grief, making it a topic worth sharing and discussing.