Parents often view diaper changes as a routine task to complete quickly. Yet, according to researchers Katherine Bussey and Nicole Downes, these moments can serve as valuable teaching opportunities about consent. They argue that discussions about appropriate touching and bodily autonomy should start early, ideally before children can speak. This foundational understanding can help keep children safe and instill the importance of consent as a natural part of their daily lives.
Integrating Consent into Everyday Care
Diaper changes do not have to be a hurried obligation. Instead, they can be transformed into moments that foster understanding about consent and the child’s body. As children will eventually take charge of their toileting needs, it is vital that they begin to comprehend the process involved. At the onset of a diaper change, parents should communicate clearly with their child. This can be as simple as getting down to their level and saying, “You need a diaper change.” Parents should then pause and allow the child to absorb this information before offering choices, such as, “Would you like to walk or crawl to the change table, or should I carry you?”
Observing the child’s facial expressions and body language is crucial during this interaction. Parents should aim to respond positively and gently, reinforcing the idea that their child has the right to understand and consent to what happens to their body.
Encouraging Awareness and Autonomy
It is common for parents to distract children during diaper changes by singing or providing toys. However, Bussey and Downes encourage parents to focus on the importance of awareness. Children should recognize when someone is touching their intimate areas. Even infants can respond to verbal cues, so consistent language during diaper changes can lay the foundation for understanding bodily autonomy. Phrases such as, “Can you please lift up your bottom so I can slide your diaper out?” are simple yet effective in engaging children in the process.
While it is understood that not every diaper change will allow for an ideal moment of connection, parents are encouraged to practice these habits as often as possible. They should also be compassionate with themselves, recognizing the demands of parenting.
Using correct anatomical terms—such as vulva, penis, and anus—during these discussions may feel uncomfortable for some parents. However, employing accurate language helps children feel secure in expressing their experiences to trusted adults, which is essential for safeguarding their well-being.
In addition to diaper changes, parents can offer choices outside of these moments to enhance their child’s sense of agency. For instance, asking, “Do you want to wear your blue or yellow shirt today?” or “Would you prefer apple or pear?” empowers children and fosters independence.
Recognizing a child’s body language is equally important. Experts suggest that parents should not force their children to hug others if they are uncomfortable. By paying attention to their child’s reactions—especially during physical interactions—parents can better respect their child’s boundaries.
This approach not only promotes a healthy understanding of consent but also nurtures trust between parents and children. Conversations about consent, initiated during diaper changes, can lay the groundwork for more complex discussions as children grow. By integrating these principles into daily routines, parents can help cultivate a generation that values respect for personal boundaries and understands the significance of consent from an early age.