In a recent column by advice columnist Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, two letters from readers shed light on the complexities of marriage and the importance of mutual respect and communication. One letter highlights a wife’s frustration with her husband’s demands for intimacy, while another expresses a widow’s grief and uncertainty about finding love again.
The first letter comes from a woman in Canada who has been married for 18 years. She describes her husband’s behavior as problematic, especially as it relates to intimacy during her menstrual cycle. She notes that her husband becomes angry and distant when they are unable to be intimate, which she finds particularly troubling given his frequent absences due to work. He often volunteers late into the evening, returning home after 11 p.m., leaving her exhausted and unable to meet his demands.
The letter raises a critical question about marital expectations and the nature of intimacy, particularly when one partner feels pressured. In her response, Van Buren firmly states that it is not right for the husband to express anger over something that is a natural biological process. She emphasizes that intimacy in marriage should be a consensual act of love rather than an obligation.
In a separate letter, a woman from Texas writes about the profound grief she is experiencing following the death of her husband from cancer five months ago. She reflects on her dedication to caring for him throughout his illness and the deep void left by his passing. This widow expresses concern over whether she will ever find love again and seeks advice on how to move forward.
Van Buren responds with empathy, acknowledging the pain of loss and offering practical advice for healing. She suggests that the widow focus on self-care and social engagement to avoid succumbing to depression. Activities such as exercise, volunteering, and rebuilding a social network can foster connections with others and improve overall well-being.
Both letters illustrate the emotional challenges that can arise in intimate relationships, whether due to unmet expectations or the aftermath of loss. Van Buren’s insights serve as a reminder of the importance of communication, understanding, and support within marriages.
As these readers navigate their personal struggles, they highlight the need for open dialogue about intimacy and the impact of grief on relationships. The advice provided underscores the necessity of mutual respect and the recognition that marriage should be a partnership founded on love and understanding, not obligation or domination.
The column, which has been a source of guidance for many, was originally founded by Pauline Phillips and continues to resonate today. Readers can connect with Dear Abby through their website or by mailing letters to their Los Angeles address for further advice and support.