A stepmother is grappling with the emotional turmoil of setting boundaries with her increasingly violent stepson, who is 22 years old and autistic. The situation has escalated over the years, leading to serious concerns for her family’s safety during a recent discussion about holiday gatherings.
The woman, known as “Protecting My Peace,” shared her story with advice columnist Annie Lane. For over a decade, she played an active role in her stepson’s life, supporting him through school and therapy. However, as he matured, his behavior became more unpredictable. He has reportedly caused significant damage in their home, including putting holes in walls and breaking furniture. The situation culminated three years ago when he threatened her directly and exhibited concerning behavior towards her daughter online.
Feeling unsafe, the stepmother expressed to her husband that she could no longer live under the same roof as his son and requested that he find alternative living arrangements. Although her husband complied, he continues to hope for reconciliation, believing that his son has made progress and deserves a second chance. Despite this, the stepmother has maintained minimal contact with her stepson for the past couple of years, a choice that has brought her some relief.
As Thanksgiving approaches, her husband proposed inviting his son to join the family celebration, which includes their grandchildren and other young children. The stepmother firmly rejected the idea, stating that her children and she would not attend if the stepson was present. She emphasized that she would reconsider only if there was consistent family therapy over time and she could observe genuine change.
In her response, Annie Lane reassured the stepmother that her feelings are valid. The columnist highlighted that prioritizing safety and setting boundaries are essential for her and her family’s well-being. Lane advised the stepmother to communicate gently with her husband, expressing support for his relationship with his son while also maintaining her own limits.
This situation underscores the complex dynamics that arise in blended families, especially when mental health issues and safety concerns intertwine. The stepmother’s experience reflects a larger struggle many face as they navigate their roles in families with challenging circumstances.