A recent letter to the *Dear Abby* advice column reveals a family’s concerns over their son’s lifestyle changes since starting a relationship. The 23-year-old, identified as Ed, has reportedly adopted a more relaxed approach to fitness and personal grooming, much to the dismay of his parents.
In the letter, the mother expresses her worries that Ed’s girlfriend, referred to as Emily, is negatively influencing him. Describing Emily as overweight and lacking in personal hygiene, the mother noted specific incidents where Emily left her underwear in the family home. These instances have led the mother to believe that Emily is changing Ed, who was previously committed to fitness and healthy living.
The mother emphasized the stark contrast between her family values and those she perceives in Emily. She explained that both she and her husband, who are in their 60s, maintain active lifestyles and take pride in their cleanliness. The mother has suggested that Ed speak to Emily about her habits, particularly regarding personal hygiene and cleanliness.
Responding to the mother’s concerns, Abigail Van Buren, the author of the *Dear Abby* column, advised against blaming Emily for Ed’s choices. Van Buren suggested that Ed is ultimately responsible for his own decisions and lifestyle changes. She noted that while Emily’s hygiene may raise some issues, it is vital for Ed to take ownership of his actions.
Van Buren also mentioned the importance of communication between fathers and sons, implying that a discussion from Ed’s father might be more effective. If Ed still resides with his parents, Van Buren suggested that they could gently remind him about household standards, including the use of a hamper for laundry. If he and Emily live separately, gifting them a hamper might be a more subtle approach.
In a separate letter, another reader known as “Wondering in Washington” sought advice about a secret marriage. The reader revealed that she and her late husband had eloped in Las Vegas before holding a larger ceremony in California. The couple had been married for 56 years, and the reader expressed uncertainty about whether to disclose their elopement to her two adult daughters.
Van Buren reassured her that there is no shame in eloping, particularly for a young couple in love. She advised that it is acceptable to keep certain aspects of one’s life private, emphasizing that as long as no one is harmed, secrets can be part of personal history. Van Buren recommended preserving the Las Vegas marriage certificate instead of destroying it, as it is a legal document.
The *Dear Abby* column, which was founded by Pauline Phillips and is now written by her daughter, Abigail Van Buren, continues to address a wide range of personal issues, providing insights into family dynamics, relationships, and the complexities of modern life. Readers can engage with the column through its website or mailing address for personal advice.