The summer of 2023 took an unexpected turn for many, including NHS psychotherapist Moya Sarner. Instead of enjoying a planned holiday, Sarner found herself in an Accident and Emergency department, waiting for her husband to undergo urgent surgery. This sudden shift not only canceled their travel plans but also prompted Sarner to reflect on the emotional challenges of dealing with disappointment in everyday life.
Sarner’s experience underscores a common struggle: the difficulty of confronting negative emotions. She notes that while significant traumas can elicit strong reactions, it is often the quieter, more mundane disappointments that weigh heavily on us. When faced with the reality of missing out on a holiday, Sarner found herself grappling with feelings of frustration and sadness, despite her attempts to find a silver lining.
In retrospect, Sarner recognized that her initial instinct was to look for positives, such as potential future trips or the benefits of travel insurance. However, these thoughts did little to alleviate her feelings of loss. Instead, it was only when she allowed herself to experience the full spectrum of her emotions—grief, anger, and disappointment—that she began to find a path forward.
Understanding Emotional Resilience
Sarner’s reflections reveal a broader truth about emotional resilience: it often requires acknowledging and processing difficult emotions rather than suppressing them. In therapy, she has observed a desire among patients to reverse negative experiences, akin to pressing an “undo” button. Yet, she emphasizes that true healing comes from facing the reality of our feelings.
“This can facilitate a change of current,” she explains, moving from denial and depression to personal growth and new possibilities. Sarner argues that depression is not merely a sense of sadness; rather, it represents a numbing of all emotions, limiting one’s ability to engage fully with life. By allowing herself to feel and express her emotions, Sarner found a sense of freedom and authenticity that had previously eluded her.
As a new mother, Sarner has also encountered the emotional demands of parenting. The challenges of meeting her infant’s needs, particularly during moments of distress, forced her to confront not only her child’s feelings but her own as well. She recognized that her role extended beyond providing comfort; it involved helping her child navigate the complexities of emotions when things did not go according to plan.
The Journey of Acceptance
Sarner highlights that the process of accepting and understanding emotions can ultimately strengthen relationships with loved ones. This approach has allowed her to cultivate a deeper connection with her child, fostering resilience in both of them. Rather than striving for perfection, she now focuses on creating a nurturing environment where all feelings are acknowledged and validated.
Through this journey, Sarner has come to appreciate that life does not always unfold as we hope. The yearning to “hit undo” and rewrite past disappointments has diminished, replaced by a gradual acceptance of reality. This shift has not only enhanced her emotional well-being but has also provided her with a newfound sense of hope and growth.
In conclusion, Sarner’s experiences offer valuable insights into the importance of embracing grief and disappointment. By allowing ourselves to feel and process these emotions, we can develop resilience and foster meaningful connections. This perspective serves as a reminder that while life may not always go as planned, there is strength in facing our feelings and growing through adversity.